My wife’s birthday comes on December 22nd. Christmas comes on December 25th. It’s always a delicate balancing act to celebrate the holidays without ignoring her birthday. She’s forever 28 and this is another big birthday year. 28. (forget the fact that we’ve been dating for 20 years, please stop asking so many questions). She works hard. She dedicates her life to helping others at a charter school. She deserves the best. Lucky for her, she has an absolutely stunning (not really) husband who is handsome (average), funny (complainer) and helpful around the house (about as helpful as an anvil). She also has two great kids so it is always a struggle to figure out just WHAT to get her to express just how much she means to me.
So I planned a big surprise out Saturday night. Honey, just dress nice.
But the bigger surprise is coming Saturday morning. After all our talk, all these years, about laundry and floors, and housework and chores, enough is enough. All those times you told me, “you don’t want me working all day? Well then hire me a maid”. So I did. They’re coming Saturday morning at 10. And they do the bathroom, the kitchen, the dishes, the floors, the dusting, the mopping, the windows, the fridge, and anything else your heart desires. Sit back and relax Cinderella because the coach to the ball is here. On second thought, if you’re Cinderella then I must be the wicked step mother and that’s just weird. OK so there’s no wicked step mother. But maybe just maybe for once I can be Prince Charming. And maybe just maybe you can really enjoy Saturday night because you know the other stuff has been taken care of. And not the normal “taken care of” where you need to re-do the cleaning I’ve done because it’s just not good. Oh and this isn’t like when we have company over. We don’t need to clean for the guests.
Aside from wrapping up Johnny Depp in a bow under the tree for you, I’m hoping this is a good gift. We’re not the Rockefellers but for one day we can live like them. Please enjoy and happy 28th. Love me.
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Pete Wilgoren 
You’re so sweet.