A lot of people have been asking me how I’m feeling lately after my diagnosis of bladder cancer. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the calls, the texts, the messages.
Truth is— I feel a little bit like I’m on an island.. it’s a cancer few people know about, one that few people my age ever deal with, one that I don’t meet most of the risk factors for. It still seems like I’m talking about someone else.
The doctor told me,
sometimes it’s just “bad luck”
I feel good after my first procedure to remove the tumor and now comes lengthy treatment to keep it from returning.
On any given day,
I feel like reading all I can about this illness and then reading none of it at the same time.
I feel like I’m totally going to beat this thing, and then like I’m doomed just minutes later.
I feel like bad luck got me here and now it’s only good luck that will get me out.
I feel like a slob because I haven’t been wearing belts to work because the cancer and treatments are right at my belt line.. and I’m paranoid that wearing belts during the long drive or sitting at work could make it worse.
I feel like 2020 is the worst year ever and then like it probably could be even worse so I just need to shut up about it.
I feel like I can’t wait to get the next treatment done and then into my immunotherapy.
I feel like I didn’t even get a cancer that people know about or talk about… and at the same time I know it’s so petty and ridiculous to even think that.
That’s how I feel today.
I’m bound to feel different tomorrow.
It’s my story. An unexpected chapter.
I need to own it.
Early detection even in the time of Covid is key. Read my first post about the two drops of blood that started it all, here: