One Family, One Bathroom, Two Kids with Bathroom Emergencies (at the same time) A True Story

and then this happened on the ride home:
kid a: I need to go home and use the bathroom NOW

dad: we were just at a store with a bathroom

mom: don’t embarrass the girl.. she needs to poop

kid a: I need to go home NOW

kid b: can I pee first- I need to pee

mom: can she pee first?

kid a: she needs to make it quick

kid b: I’m not going to make it till we get home.. I’m going to pee. nowwww.

mom: hold the pee hold the pee

kid b: I need to go now (bathroom shuffle in the backseat)

kid a: I need quiet. There’s too much noise. I need quiet. We need to get home.

kid b: I’m gonna pee.. it’s coming out

kid a: I need either absolute quiet or more music to drown out everyone’s talking

kid b: it’s coming out.. it’s coming outtttt

mom: want me to tell you a funny story?

kid b: don’t make me laugh

kid a: if you make me laugh it’s all over

mom: I just remembered when you needed a diaper from your sister when you had a pee pee emergency at Disneyland

kid b: I can’t hold it. I can’t hold itttttt

mom: want a candy baby to take your mind off of it

kid b: No! I need to pee. Help!!!

dad: I remember a scene in Bridesmaids where someone successfully used the sink

mom: don’t you DARE use the sink!!!

red light.
another red light.

kid b: WHYYYY are there so many red lights in the world. it’s coming out now

dad: can we just stop at another store?

kid a: NO I need to use the bathroom at home… it’s the only bathroom I want

dad: there’s your friend’s house.. let’s stop there and tell them we need both bathrooms

mom: they’re home I see them

kid a: NOOOOOO we are not stopping at my friend’s house to use the bathroom

red light.
then stopped at train tracks

car shaking back and forth with both kids doing the bathroom emergency dance

kid b: why. why. why. whyyyyy

kid b: that door at home better open right away or I’m going on the sidewalk and there’s gonna be a big yellow stain. That’s a PROMISE.

kid a: everyone I need SILENCE!!!!

dad speeding now. home stretch.
daughter undoes seatbelt. tire screech.

kid b: hurry hurry hurry unlock the door unlock the door!!!!!!!

kid b: bathroom finally… pee.. ahh.. (two seconds later) ok I’m done

kid a: get out.. get out.. now

kid b: ok I’m out

kid a: door slam in the bathroom.

mom and dad on stairs to house now laughing uncontrollably

kid a: shouts from behind bathroom door: “someone needs to go out an get toilet paperrrrrrrrrrr”.

then silence





About dadmissions

author of Dadmissions. surrounded by a wife and two girls... and a dog named Cupcake
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