Daddy, Why Does This Nutcracker Crack Nuts With Her Boobs?

We were taking a stroll down Holiday Lane… you know… the section of the store where they have all the Christmas trees and ornaments. While I pressed the buttons getting all the stuffed animals to sing in concert,
the kids went right for the nutcrackers… so many nutcrackers…


Then they noticed something weird.. and the 6 year old said “Daddy, why does this nutcracker’s BOOBS crack the nuts…”

And I stood there and I had no answer. But the question lingered because every guy nutcracker looked like the classic nutcracker with the jaw that cracks the nuts. But all the women had the pretty petite face and then boobs that appeared to crack the nuts. ((insert your own punchline here))


I put it to dadmissions readers on Facebook… why are her boobs cracking the nuts… why do they need to be different than the guys.. Alissapapissa said “cuz she’s a badass”… Kim said “there are no limits to what a woman can do”… Courtney channeled her inner super hero and said simply “boobs of steel”… Ana said “it was probably designed by a guy”… Michelle said, “it just wouldn’t be as pretty the other way”. My wife stepped in and agreed saying they wouldn’t have room to paint the details of their faces.. if the jawline was the same as the guy nutcrackers. She’s probably right.. what do YOU think.

I did address my phony concerns to Macy’s in my online post simply asking it to advise me on HOW to explain this bizarre design to my little girl and I’ll let you know if I hear back… In the meantime, if you’re roasting chestnuts by an open fire… make sure not to bruise your boobs cracking any nuts.

Find me on Facebook at dadmissions


About dadmissions

author of Dadmissions. surrounded by a wife and two girls... and a dog named Cupcake
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2 Responses to Daddy, Why Does This Nutcracker Crack Nuts With Her Boobs?

  1. Chestnuts are hot. Boobs are hot. Describing that without objectifying women to children is cold.

  2. Now that’s funny. I don’t care who you are.

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