It happened and I don’t even know when. Somewhere between stealing the Friendly’s “please wait to be seated” sign in camp with my bunkmates, and dressing up like a foamy rock lobster for a radio station to make money in college it happened. Somewhere between bringing a Christmas tree to my Hebrew school, and convincing a Dunkin Donuts worker to give us ALL the donuts in the store at the end of the night it happened. It happened and I don’t even know when. I became an adult.
It hit me over the head this week when I read a brilliant little post from someone named snh-snh-snh who said “I keep thinking I’m so immature… then I spend time with teenagers… and it’s like wow OK yeah I am an adult… look at me adulting all over the place.”
When did it happen. When did I become the adult who’s adulting all over the place. I still love a good laugh, fart jokes with the kids are still the best ever, but it’s clear those days of carefree teen goofballiness are gone. I’m in flux.. like a big ol’ butterfly completing my catharsis from caterpillar to monarch.. I’m not quite there.
I have a wife and two kids and a house and a mortgage but I still love the Vacation movies and seeing dead aunt Edna strapped to the roof. I have a job and responsibilities and a 401k but I still have boxers with a shark on them that say “Bite Me”. Look at ME now adulting all over the place. So I started to make a list to identify the moment when we all begin adulting. You might be adulting too if you’re stuck somewhere between young goofy adulthood and full-fledged responsible adult…
Top signs you might be adulting:
if you rush the kids to sleep so you and the spouse can sneak dessert alone.
if you delete DVR recordings of My Little Pony and then claim it was an “accident”
if you “jokingly” threaten the kids’ little boyfriends with a super atomic wedgie
if you purge toys when the kids are at school so they never realize what happened
if you fake “daylight saving time” as an excuse for the kids to go to bed earlier
if you start telling the kids in March that Santa is always checking his naughty list
if you tell the kids their school creations are all beautiful… then shred them in secrecy
if you promise not to get them wet with the hose and then nail them right away.. oops
if you hide ten Easter eggs but tell the kids there are twenty.. keep looking kids!
if you crank The Electric Slide in a carpool full of kids and do the moves in your seat
if you say “go ask dad” and then dad says “go ask mom” creating never-ending question vortex that goes around and around and around.. ask dad… ask mom… and then finally top it off with a “we’ll see” and then a “because I said so” when they ask why.
I guess the point is.. adulthood is a work in progress. Parenthood is a work in progress. Just like I’m learning about parenting… I’m still learning about adulting. I’m not ready to wave the white surrender flag of my youth so for the time being the kids better learn to deal with it. Turn around is fair play. Remember. One day they can be all adulting with their own kids too.