Dadmissions: A Letter To My Little Kid’s Crush

Dear Sylvester,

I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Andreya’s dad… and I’m really big and mean. I work in the TV news business and even though you’re only six, I thought you should know I have many contacts in law enforcement. Jail can be a really lonely place for a little kid. I’m sure there’s no Angry Birds there or Playstation. What’s that? No, I’m not threatening you. I just want you to know that nobody likes a heartbreaker. Your little kindergarten smirk may work on my kid… but not on me buster. I will not hesitate to flick boogers at you or to give you the old tittie twister if needed. Let’s be adults about this. Clearly she has a crush on you. Clearly you have a crush on her. Clearly her opinion and wellbeing counts more than yours does. Kidding. Maybe. Sure, it’s possible you guys could go on to be boyfriend and girlfriend twenty years down the road… Sure it’s possible you’ll get married and then… only then… only many years later… would consider kissing and whatever else… But get your head out of the gutter. You’re only six. You have your whole life ahead of you. You need to concentrate on skateboards and baseball and celibacy. Can I give you some advice? Girls will just mess with your head dude. You better just leave well enough alone. Concentrate on recess and lunch lines and Spider Man and stuff. Why don’t we call the whole thing off. Just tell my daughter you need to work towards your college education uninterrupted… tell her you’re not mature enough to handle what goes along with a kindergarten crush… tell her it’s over. What’s that? No, I already said I’m not threatening you. I’m just saying I’ll always be there for you. And by there, I mean wherever you are, when you least expect it, lurking in the shadows, ready to show you why they call it a super atomic wedgie. Take care of yourself Sly. I’m so glad you and my kid are friends πŸ™‚

image
Find me on Facebook at dadmissionsthebook

Advertisements

About dadmissions

author of Dadmissions. surrounded by a wife and two girls... and a dog named Cupcake
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Dadmissions: A Letter To My Little Kid’s Crush

  1. Giggling. This produced giggling. “You need to concentrate on … celibacy.” Word.

  2. ligtenup says:

    “The ol’ tittie Twister” by the way! haha… And yes…. please concentrate on celibacy Sylvester… Ha!

    I’m so glad I’m having a boy.

    Robert
    http://www.thescareddad.com

  3. Are you kidding me? Holy crap this is fabulous. Would you mind if I shared a link to this on my blog FB page? My followers would love this. I’m just starting to do this “awesome dad” sharing thing … not many dad bloggers! Well done, man. Love this.

  4. shellebelle says:

    Ok, the fact that I found your writing on Mamapedia is the first piece of irony! But I am super impressed with your writing and your thought expression–ditto on the “fabulous” note. One of a kind, for sure. I love getting the dad perspective about parenting. By the way, checked out your blog and I LOVED your writing on PMS…BRILLIANT! But by far, this letter is archive worthy πŸ™‚ THanks for sharing.

  5. Reblogged this on A Toolbox For Dad and commented:
    This is a letter that every Dad probably writes, or thinks about writing to any of their daughter’s little boyfriends…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s