Dadmissions: The Shower

Holy crap. The girls finally finished their bath so I jumped in the shower. After a long weekend, what parent doesn’t deserve two minutes of alone time. Two minutes. Try two seconds. Two seconds after my shower began, just when the soap was in my hair and blinding my eyes, I saw through soap-filled lenses as the girls popped back in and started laughing at me behind the clear plastic shower liner. Then I heard smart ass number one say “get the camera!!” Funny. Those little kids. They wouldn’t dare. Or would they. Out of an abundance of caution, with soap in my hair, I grabbed my shorts that I wore into the bathroom and continued showering now in my blue workout shorts. Yeh when there are unpredictable girls in the house, a dad learns to keep shorts nearby. Then smart ass number two showed up with the Hello Kitty camera and started taking pictures of me showering behind the clear plastic liner like she’s some sort of paparazzi…pics of me holding my hands up, covering my face, reaching out like a soap zombie to grab the camera. Smart ass numbers one and two both began laughing at a super high volume… They loved it. They were having a grand old time. These two girls ages five and eight were torturing dad and they knew it. Then smart ass number one laughed and said she couldn’t wait to tell her friends. Smart ass number two ran to tell mom what a cool thing they did. Mom didn’t come to rescue me. I was on my own. As dad finished the shower, I finally got two minutes alone to rinse my soapy blue shorts. This morning, smart asses one and two were going through the photos reveling in all their mischief. I saw the photos of the crime of me in my soapy blue shorts which I’m sure they will use to blackmail me on their little Hello Kitty camera for years to come. Damn camera. And I know for years to come they’ll talk about the day they barged in on dad and started taking pictures. People wonder why I shower in shorts sometimes. People winder why parents can’t wait to truly embarrass their kids one day. This dad wonders why they can’t create bathroom doors that truly are kid proof. Dear god.


About dadmissions

author of Dadmissions. surrounded by a wife and two girls... and a dog named Cupcake
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