When my wife and I got married we wrote our own vows. I carefully crafted mine on the morning of the wedding on that piece of cardboard which comes in the packages of new underwear. It was an A-Z list of reasons I love my wife. A lot has changed since then. So without further ado, I am relaunching an updated Dadmissions list 2.0:
Reasons I love my wife
A- axe body spray- my wife sticks with me even when I apply the axe body spray like a bug bomb fumigation in our bedroom. Not my fault- it’s supposed to be irresistable.
B- bat mitzvanera- my wife sticks with me even when I try to convince her we should one day combine the girls’ quinceaneras and their Bat Mitzvahs into one bat mitzvanera
C- cleanliness- my wife sticks with me despite the beard clippings in the sink, the razor I hide above the bathroom mirror, and the random things tossed around the house
D- drivers license- my wife stuck with me even when I mistakenly washed her learners permit in the washing machine, so she missed her exam, and missed out on a new job
E- eating in the car- my wife sticks with me even though I eat in the car, drop chips on the seat, and invariably leave my lunch container to stink up the car overnight
F- Facebook- my wife sticks with me despite my growing addiction to Facebook and likes to remind me that she was Dadmissions’ first ever fan. #1 Fan.
G- Gas- my wife sticks with me despite the obvious. Nothing more to say here.
H- Hickory Farms- each year for the holidays she surprises me with the one thing I always wanted… One of those little Hickory Farms trays with crackers, salami, and stuff
I- iPad- the gift my wife wishes she never bought me because I spend so much time on it. This is where all the Dadmissions and online posts originate. She still loves me.
J- Jimmy Choo- OK points for me here– I bought her a pair a couple of years ago. Yep.
K- kimmel- Jimmy Kimmel- my wife sticks with me even though I arrive home from work at midnight, turn on the tv in the bedroom, and laugh with Kimmel show
L- Lakers- my wife sticks with me even though she is a die hard Lakers fan and I am a die-hard Celtics fan and the Celtics have one more championship banner so booyah!
M- M&M’s: my wife sticks with me even though I could pop peanut M&M’s all night long
N- Nails- I don’t clip them. I tear them. It’s a thing I do. My wife looks the other way.
O- Old Spice- My grandpa used it- 100 years later I use it. My wife forgives me.
P- Parenting- my wife sticks with me even though I have the parenting skills of a Magic 8 ball.. “Dad can I have that”? 8-ball answer: “Could be.”
Q- Queazy- I get Queazy when the girls mention bodyparts and boys. Wife still sticks with me anyway despite the dad shortcomings
R- Rocky- Rocky III to be specific- my wife stuck with me even though I asked her if we could watch Rocky Three in the birthing room on the TV waiting to deliver Alicia
S- Sweatpants- see my column on the brotherhood of the traveling sweatpants. My wife stays with me even when I go out with my favorite tattered, torn, and ripped sweats
T- Teeth- my wife stuck with me even when I tripped while carrying a speaker, fell into her and chipper her tooth.
U- underwear- my wife sticks with me despite having a pair of boxers with a shark that says “bite me” and another Santa holiday pair that says “ho ho ho”
V- Vienna Fingers- my wife stuck with me even though I lost my wedding ring for three weeks in a half eaten package of Vienna Fingers
W- work- my wife sticks with me even though I work wacky hours and am permanently attached to my Blackberry
X- X-ray vision- I don’t have it. I don’t have ANY super powers. My wife still loves me.
Y- yoga- my wife sticks with me even though I make fun of her yoga, her yogurt, and any of the other healthy things starting with “y”
Z- zen- my wife sticks with me even though the best zen I can offer her is a bottle of Pino Noir and the remote control to watch Lifetime