Dadmissions on loyalty rewards


I couldn’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner.  I already have a cornucopia of rewards cards on my key chain for AMC movies, Menchies, Ralph’s, CVS, Petco, Toys R us and more.  The cards promise bigger savings, fewer hassles, and above all CUSTOMER LOYALTY.  And they work.  I tend to shop at these stores and spend my money there because I have the loyalty card on my keychain.  I’m loyal to these stores.  They’re like my best friends if stores had friends.  So this seems just like a natural extension.
I am gonna issue loyalty rewards cards to the girls.
Just think about it.  I can have the girls sign up for the loyalty rewards card program, and I can issue the cards to them for a small one-time fee.  They’ll get the promise of more goodies, valuable rewards, and fewer parental hassles, really a one-stop parenting experience throughout their lives, and I’ll get what every parent hopes for… LOYALTY.  The rules are simple. They’ll have to bring the card with them at all times.  They’re too young to drive and don’t have keys, but I’ll buy them keys just so they can put the parental loyalty rewards card on the key chain.  I’ll scan the card each time they come to me with a “Daddddy” or a “Can I havvvvveee that”.  They build up points throughout their childhood with each swipe of the card to be used on future family vacations, their first car, college loans, or eventual wedding.
Now here’s the twist.  Ten swipes of the loyalty card means I now get something from THEM.  Maybe it’s cleaning their room.  Maybe it’s walking the dog.  Maybe it’s a guaranteed “A” on the report card.  You see?  They buy ten, and I get one free. It builds a strong customer base, brand loyalty, and keeps them coming back for years to come. They’ll HAVE to make me their BFF because I’m where they have the loyalty rewards card and they won’t ever want to lose the points they’ve banked.
Throughout life there will no doubt be other people vying for a spot on the keychain with their OWN loyalty rewards cards.  But we all know there’s nothing like the original. The parental loyalty rewards card.  Some restrictions apply.  Not applicable in all 50 states and some US territories.  The card is non-transferrable.  Who’s with me.
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About dadmissions

author of Dadmissions. surrounded by a wife and two girls... and a dog named Cupcake
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